Running Ran Us Down

We weren’t there for the speeches, the pink Hokas, or the ambitious declarations—this year I’m running a marathon! We were called in later, after the fact, to repair the damage, step in when it hurt too much to step, and keep you walking without screaming. Running? That part, you handled on your own. We just cleaned up afterward.

From what we’ve gathered, you began with admirable intentions. Get healthy, you said. Lose weight, you said. Become the kind of person who enjoys running. After a few years, the skeleton tried to warn you—full-volume, bone-on-bone grinding—but you kept lacing up those sneakers, popping Tylenol, and pretending nothing was malfunctioning.

We are your new hips. Manufactured. Titanium and polyethylene. Our job is simple: allow movement without pain. Low impact. Minimal screaming from internal components. We arrived after the chaos, after knees and joints had sent emails that went unanswered, and after your body staged a full revolt against running.

Now, you did lose weight— your old hips! So we had to get in, fix the infrastructure, and make sure you could continue your story without collapsing in agony every time you stepped off the couch.

You didn’t finish running. Running finished you. We stepped in so you could walk. And now you can—no more than three miles per hour though!