A New Version to Love

Love.

Do I really love this version of me?

Do I really love the person I have become?

Let's rewind.

And ask.

What has changed?

Not much, maybe -

At least, most would say that.

Because that's what they would see from the outside.

But I say a LOT.

A LOT has changed.

I have found the ability to be calm.

Thanks to all the storms that I've been pushed into.

Shoved, really.

Or maybe I voluntarily walk into them?

Not realising the dark clouds looming

Oblivous to the sounds of thunder,

Bolts of lightning.

Signs I ignored.

But the new me...

She laughs when a new storm arrives,

Knowing that what didn't break me, made me stronger.

But what of my heart?

What of my trust?

What of my feelings?

My dreams?

HAH!

I no longer care for them.

I no longer make goals for myself.

Still...

There is STILL a little spark left.

I won't lie.

A certain handful of people

Who remind me to keep that spark of alive.

To keep myself alive.

I am grateful.

But I'm also heartbroken.

2025 has truly been a year of heartbreak.

But towards the end of it,

I've altered. Modified myself.

Into the same person on the outside,

But quieter, much more silenced on the inside.

Let me be, I say.

For this is the peace I've craved for.

Even if it comes at a hefty cost.

A cost I'm not sure I have paid for yet.

Yet.

Now to see...

If this version of me stays,

Or ignites, implodes and

Destroys evening in her path.

Herself first.

--

Haven't posted on Vocal for the last 6 months, but I've been mostly writing offline. This one was written towards the end of 2025.

Thought I'd share it here.

Hope you all are well.